How to Receive Feedback Well
Last week, I posted about how to give feedback well. As promised, this week I want to talk about how to receive feedback well. Writing with the intent to distribute is a beautiful paradox; it’s at once intensely personal and intimate, and highly collaborative and public. Asking for feedback can be terrifying, but it’s also very often thrilling. And unless you are writing a personal journal or diary that’s just for you, asking for feedback is always necessary. Say it with me: “Every writer needs an editor, every editor needs a reader, and every reader needs a writer.” So let’s dive into things.
Signs you may not be receiving feedback well
Every comment feels like a personal attack.
You find yourself gravitating towards only a single person’s feedback.
You hate the idea of sharing creative control with anyone else.
You never ask questions about the feedback you are given.
You completely dismiss feedback that feels like bad-faith criticism.
What to do instead
Be humble and open yourself to the opinions of others. In my experience, it never feels good to be told something you poured energy and time into needs to be improved. You may be tempted to reject some feedback, and you will almost certainly be able to come up with valid reasons why it would be OK to do so. Don’t do that. It’s important to adopt a posture of humility and willingness to grow. In fact, it will be beneficial to seek feedback from a diversity of sources—including those with a different cultural heritage, political point of view, editorial specialty, or preferred genre.
Seek an abundance of feedback. There’s nothing wrong with seeking a “second opinion.” That may seem contradictory with the previous tip, but keep in mind that the more feedback you have, the more easily you can find consistent threads or commonalities across different reviews. Just as scientific studies require multiple trials to ensure reliability, having multiple sources of feedback ensures the feedback you get is reliable. Abundant feedback will help you identify specific blind spots you may have. If multiple parties are telling you the same thing, it becomes much more difficult to explain away the issue. Additionally, the more feedback you receive, the more “normal” it will feel to have others critiquing your work.
Know your place and your audience. If you are writing primarily for yourself, you can and should have the final say on what changes you do or don’t make. However, if you are working for someone else, whether as a contractor for a client or as a staff writer for a company, you have to remember that the work you create may not ultimately be yours. In those cases, prepare yourself to default to making the suggested changes, deferring to whoever will be the ultimate owner of the work.
Open a dialogue when you disagree or need additional clarity. When a comment or suggestion doesn’t seem right to you, it’s ok to gently push back to get more information. The goal of the editorial process is to make your writing the best it can be; if you think a change would make your writing worse, you owe it to those involved in the process to find out if there’s something you’re missing.
Find nuggets of truth even if the feedback is generally unhelpful. It’s no secret that sometimes the feedback you get will be bad, but even if it is, that doesn’t mean there can’t be something of value mixed in with the dross. As the saying goes, even a stopped clock is right twice a day. As long as you are seeking to improve, there will be ways you can improve.
Conclusion
It’s normal to feel defensive or protective of your writing, but unless you welcome the thoughts and opinions of outside eyes, you are at risk of stagnating. Take encouragement from the fact that no one is perfect, and all of us can get better with practice and help. Writing is like working out in that the only way to improve is to do it and have someone hold you accountable to using good form.
What about you?
Do you balk at feedback that isn’t praise? Do you worry that people are pulling punches to protect your feelings? Leave a comment and let’s talk about it!
This post was developed as a collaborative effort with other writers. Courtney B. Dunlap and Christian Walker each contributed ideas and helped me hone my own thoughts.
